As of today….
God… first Blog… what do I write to get people to want to keep reading… not that I’ve created this for that purpose of course 
P
Well I’ll begin with what I found out this past weekend…
I’m currently in a relationship with a fella called Steve… it’s been going for coming up to 3 years, and there have been SO many ups and downs it’s bizarre we’re still together. Recently (like in the past 3 months or more) things, in my view, have never been stronger between us. I’m in uni full time until the end of February, so I haven’t been able to get a decent job to allow me to support myself, so Steve has been supporting me. He has a decent job (recently promoted too) so things aren’t TOO much of a struggle at the moment. He has a child from a former marriage, and obviously has to pay maintenance to his ex-wife, but other than that, things aren’t particularly uncomfortable money-wise.
She has, for some reason, decided I’m not allowed to see the baby anymore… this, understandably, has raised a few problems… particularly on a Sunday when Steve has access… I’m not allowed to go with him, or spend any time with the two of them, so I generally spend Sunday alone… this being due to the fact I’m not working, and have no money to visit friends etc at the moment. Saturday just gone, I sent a drunken email to Steve (we live together, but he finds it hard opening up, so i decided to write to him) stating I was fed up with the Sunday situation and that there seemed to be no resolution coming forward… the two of them are at mediation, but she’s been cancelling the meetings at the last minute… The next morning when he had gone to be with the baby, I discovered the reply to my email stating that Steve wasn’t happy in the relationship, that sex etc was practically non-existent, and that he felt he got no support… he also accused me of doing things behind his back with people I chatted to online…
This was a major shock to me as I REALLY thought things were better than they’d ever been between us… and now i’ve got to thinking…
Do I REALLY want to stay with Steve!? I love him… no denying that, but we have nothing at all in common… he’s not as outgoing as me (he once said I was embarrassing when we were out), we don’t like the same music, we often sit in complete silence, he’s miserable… I’m too critical and snotty towards him apparently… and I just don’t know where to go from here. We’ve had problems in the past and got over them… but we always seem to get back round to the fact that one of us is unhappy, and I don’t think I want to continue in a relationship like this for the rest of my life. I’m scared to appraoch the subject with him because he’ll only say I feel like this because I’m nearing the end of uni, and I’ll soon have a job and want to do my own things, and that i’ve usd him for support… which is so not true… as I say, I actually thought we were stronger than we’d ever been.
Just don’t know how to proceed with this…
Hey there – I stumbled on your blog when checking out other people who listed “Simple Minds” among their music faves. So sorry to hear the relationship crap you’re going thru. I must admit I felt like a bit of a voyeur to read your words, us being strangers and all that. But I gotta say that there is something extremely “not right” about you two having to communicate about such critical things via email, especially when you live together (said the relationship expert… NOT). Are the random moments of bliss really worth all the crap that comes with it? Best of luck ya, whatever you decide.